Last blog I discussed how I built tolerance with my kids and how I successfully managed to lengthen my short angry fuse through looking at their cute chubby, snotty faces. Part of building a tolerance is to develop some coping strategies so when things get a bit too much, you can just disappear into your own little world. These strategies can turn into uncontrollable hobbies and you may find yourself slowly developing into a middle class alcoholic however I am trusting that all of my readers have the ability to identify when they have an issue and if you don’t, well good luck to you and your future endeavours!
So, moving along lets start off with how I cope:
That’s me right there. Now the eagled eyed amongst you will already have noticed the slightly smaller pair of feet to my side which are attached to a gruffalo onesie. This is child number 2 who so happened to have joined me under the happy place blanket. At the time this photo was taken we were both getting pissed off with his big brother and decide to partake in a bit of stress relief. Whenever life gets to much, just sit under a blanket for a while.
Gin! Or the woman’s scorn as it used to be known but as we are now in the modern world let’s call it the thinking parents stress reliever. This is a fantastic way to relieve a bit of stress BUT, you have to follow the rules:
- No drinking before the morning school run. Afterwards is fine.
- Sober up before the school pick up.
- Never water down, only ice or a mixer are acceptable.
Follow these rules and you will be fine. Gin is now a trendy hipster drink and you can just about get away with putting any mixer with it. Don’t buy cheap though, make sure you push the boat out a little as after all you are worth it.
Oh and one last thing, review your contraceptive methods as too much Gin may result in a further child which in turn will lead to drinking more Gin thus creating a circle so vicious you will be collecting more club card points for your Gin and nappy purchases than you will for food.
Onwards and upwards, next up is one of these:
A hound! This is my dog called Bear and he is almost as popular as I am on my Facebook, Instagram and twitter due to his scraggy hobo dog look. Dogs are great once you get past the poo and hair loss, they make a great companion and you can tell them anything, in fact my old dog who was a small jack russell terrier cross went deaf through my mum constantly talking to him. Dogs can keep you sane and they give you an excuse to get out of the house and remove yourself from the sometimes stressful situations your kids put you in. And like kids they will look at you perplexed and sometimes with a wry grin as you pick up their shit.
My 2nd favourite one now (Gin is the first):
FOOD! and cooking. I am an unashamed foodie and there is nothing more I like than to cook a nice meal, eat it and then let my wife do the washing up. Even better I really like to eat once the kids have gone to bed and I don’t have to go through the whole ‘eat your tea to be big and strong” routine. It also gives me chance to disappear into a whole imaginary world of cooking on a beach in France or on a rooftop in Italy, rather than a terraced house in Devon.
Coffee shops! there will come a time when your kids aren’t permanently connected to your hip and when these times present themselves I like to disappear to my local Starbucks and simply watch the world go by. I like the anonymity that it offers and the chance to look at those fools that thought it would be a brilliant idea to take their kids along with them. Watching them trying to battle with their darlings who are bored out of their brains sat in a little coffee shop is somewhat enjoyable. You also get to see other things as well, I once saw one of my wife’s friends getting very cosy with a gentleman who wasn’t her boyfriend. (that should get the tongues wagging with my wife’s friends who read this)
And lastly, my best coping strategy is:
my other half.
PERMISSION FOR PHOTO NOT GIVEN BY MY WIFE.
The old ball and chain, the bread knife, the milf, the child bearer, her indoors, the Doris, she who must be obeyed, the mighty mighty eagle, fallula fart cake, burt, the trouble and strife, the clumsy one.
All of these are names that have been given to my lovely wife over the years which gives an indication of how our relationship works. It is based on openness with a heavy hint of black comedy. We talk constantly and neither is afraid to ask for a cuddle to get their stress out, apart from on the 2nd Thursday of every month which is “wax night” and when things are “tender”.