Souvlaki! is it Greek, is it Turkish or is it Cypriot? Who the hell knows? All I know is that these little lamb kebabs are the nuts. Really easy to make, so easy that even my kids can make these so if you are one of those fools that bleats on about “I can’t cook anything, I always mess it up” in an effort to justify your poor diet, shut up and read on. Who knows, taking up cooking with simple food like this might even get you out of your mum and dads house at the age of 34 and living in the “real world”, it may even lead to meeting a partner and finally having sex with a real person……May (please note that balddaddyblog does not proclaim to be the problem solver of issues such as middle aged virginism).
So, super easy but you can cock this up with one simple mistake, what is it I hear you say? It’s pretty simple, it’s the quality of the meat you choose to use which can really impact the flavour of your food. I used to use lamb mince bought off the shelf at the supermarket but then tried some from my local butchers at darts farm. The difference is night and day so spend a few quid extra and get some from your local butcher and you will be doing a good thing by supporting your local businesses. If you happen to be in Devon, come and try Alastair, Phillip and the team at Darts Farm, Topsham, You can order online too! http://www.thebutchersatdartsfarm.co.uk
Ingredients for the kebabs
- 1Ib (1/2 Kg) of minced lamb. Don’t go for one too lean.
- Garlic – 2 cloves
- Onion powder
- Lemon (zest only)
- Salt & Pepper to season
- Fresh Parsley
Stage 1 – Work your meat well
Zest the lemon, chop the parsley, garlic and a good sprig of Rosemary. Add a teaspoon of onion salt, a teaspoon of sea salt and a good teaspoon of black pepper. Grate half a nutmeg nut over the lamb and chuck in all the other ingredients. Using your hands mix the bejesus out of this meat, you don’t want any pockets of salt, lemon etc as they will just make for unpleasant eating. This should take about 10 minutes but I do it in 3 as I am impatient.
Stage 2 – Make your meat look pretty
Get your kebab sticks out, no need to soak in water as they won’t be in the pan long enough to burn your house down. Now get a golf ball size piece of your meat mix and gently and tenderly thread it onto the shaft in a up and down motion, you want this all smooth together so that it stays in one piece whilst being cooked so make sure you work that shaft of meat reeeeeaaaallllll good.
Afterwards you should have a money shot that looks like this:
Stage 3 – Cook your meat and make your flatbread mix.
Big pan, brush of oil (to stop the meat sticking) and turn it on. Put your kebabs in, you will probably have to cook in batches and then wrap in foil to keep warm. Approximately 10 minutes cooking time.
Then your flatbreads. Really quick and super tasty, also pretty healthy too.
- 250 grams of plain flour
- 100 ml of warm water
- pinch of sea salt
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Toss it all in a bowl and mix using a wooden spoon or your hands if you want to get all caveman, mix the ingredients up to form a dough, you can add flour if it is too sticky, you cannot cock this up. Leave it for 5 minutes.
Stage 4 – Cook your bread
By this time there will be a small amount of lamb fat in your pan, don’t throw this away! this stuff in small amounts is super tasty. Get a clean frying pan, run a sprig of rosemary through the lamb fat and rub it onto the pan. Split your dough into 4 and then roll out to the thickness of an iPad or about 4mm thick. Get your pan hot and put the flatbread in. The top will start to rise and fall almost like it is breathing, but fear not it is bread and not a living creature. As soon as you see this up and down motion slowing down, flip it over. about 90 seconds later it should be done. Whilst it is cooking just brush the top with the oiled rosemary sprig.
Stage 5 – The side dishes
Lemon & garlic mayonnaise.
Get 5 tablespoons of mayonnaise, chuck in half a clove of chopped garlic and the juice of half a lemon, whisk it all together.
Chop up 12 small cherry tomatoes, dice one red onion, season with sea salt, a teaspoon of cider vinegar and half a teaspoon of sugar. Mix together and adjust your seasoning as necessary.
Follow the instructions on the packet, i’m not your mother.
Stage 6- Eat it roman style
Tear up your bread, get bits of everything, wrap it up and eat it with as much enthusiasm as a nun at prayer time.
And remember, if you find yourself having a choking fit then don’t even think about suing me. Greed and gluttony are not legitimate reasons for litigation in any developed country!