Parenting Snobs

We’ve all seen them, we all know them and other than those who are like them, we all think they are a bunch of knobs.  That’s right, I’m talking about those snobby parents, the ones who portray the idyllic family life with the 2 big cars, a huge house, regular holidays abroad and an instagram page that makes their life look like its fallen out of a cross between a next catalogue, vogue & parenting weekly….guess what, the majority are fake.

Yes, that’s right it’s fake, it’s just a myth and thing of visual imagination and sooner or later it all comes crashing down.  As sure as night follows day that little bubble will pop, it might be 2 weeks from now or it might be 40 years, before you know it hubby as been found balls deep in his sister in law or the taxman has come and spoiled the party by wanting all that money that’s been owed to him for the past 15 years.

Lets get one thing straight, I have no issue with someone having the perfect life in fact I take my hat off to them.  What I do have an issue with is people creating the persona of having the perfect life when in fact behind the scenes there is no food in the fridge and they haven’t bumped dirty bits for a year. The creation of this persona is purely vanity and potentially a way of masking reality from their friends.  My problem is that some people who are easily influenced believe this is real life, they believe that the perfect life is achievable and that money is everything but actually it’s the opposite.

Lets start by debunking some of the common themes that run through these perfect personas, feel free to add more that I may have missed!

1. The car.

I know people that drive some really swanky cars and always seem to be getting a new one, I’m talking about BMW, Audi, Mercedes & Range Rover not the old Ford Focus or Vauxhall Corsa.  A lot of these cars are brand new or 1-2 years old, these cars cost £30K upwards new and similar used. Normally 1 of the perfect family parents doesn’t work as they are stay at home or if they do, they don’t work full time.  So how do they afford these vehicles? I mean my wife and I have just bought a 5 year old Ford Galaxy that cost £12K and that was a push.   The answer is finance, these vehicles aren’t owned they are on a 2 year lease and belong to the finance company and guess what  they ain’t cheap. Financially they are easier to obtain than if you got a loan from the bank, this is because the debt is secured against the vehicle meaning the finance company are coming for it if you don’t pay.  People with poor credit ratings get accepted for this finance, less so for a bank loan with a lower APR and easier repayments.

2.  The house.

It’s a huge house! Look at the new kitchen, look at the bedrooms  & how many toilets does a house need?!  Yep, this is mortgaged right up to the chimney stack and probably 200ft of the air above it too. The furnishings? Club books or the Next “never never” finance deal.  Basically it’s furnished through any company who will give finance on furniture.  The new kitchen is financed and even the carpets are on buy now pay in 5 years time.  Yes they might have the best bathroom in the world but it still stinks every time someones taken a shit.

3. The clothes

“OMG look at that coat, it’s amazing! Yes I know I got it from John Lewis it’s the latest barbour!” is a snap shot of a conversation I overheard at my kids school the other day.  It was had by someone who I had previously followed into the petrol station a few weeks earlier, the same person who put £5.05 into the fuel tank of their Audi Q4 (car changed for school playground security purposes) because they couldn’t afford anymore! £200 coat, no money for fuel in your obscenely large car.  Credit cards & in store finance are the reality here.

4. The Saturday morning breakfast location.

I love a breakfast as my waistline will tell you.  I love sitting around the table with my kids and socialising and I go everywhere from the local farm shop to the greasy spoon.  Some people take it to a different level though, they will only go to the local cool “hipster” cafe where they can get a fairtrade mocha alongside their free range ostrich egg and wallaby bollock breakfast or whatever off beat and cool food is currently in trend.  I went to John Lewis for breakfast once, never again. I don’t want to hear about Tarquin & his struggles with his skiing lessons as I watch my daughter lob her food at the windows.

5. We are so in love.

Now I am in love but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when I just want to build a new patio with my wife as the footings, likewise I know I piss her off too.  If I were to believe what I saw and read on social media then there would be a divorce rate of zero in this country.  I know of couples who both dick around with others but according to facebook they are up for couple of the year and would throw themselves under trains for each other, apart from when they are nobbing others.

I could go on and on here but you can see the theme, that theme is money or more specifically, being materialistic.  Everything is done for materialistic reasons and lets be frank, or Dave, yes lets be Dave as the only Frank I know is a proper dick. Money doesn’t buy you happiness although it does smooth the road to it a bit.  Happiness is bought through honesty and acceptance.  Honesty that the life you live isn’t perfect and acceptance that you might never have the smart cars and the nights out at the golf club every weekend, but you will still have your self respect and the respect of others for being you, so in summary……

Don’t be a self obsessed materialistic fucktard, just be yourself and do what makes you happy, not others.

The end.

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